I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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