is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
