walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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