we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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