I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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