her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
