Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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