Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
