My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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