just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
