You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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