The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
