I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
