So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
