I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
