So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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