I just pynch a tree in the face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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