he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize