We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
