I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
