i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
