when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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