I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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