I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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