I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
