I'm lost and stupid without you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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