she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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