I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
