they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
false alarm, still single
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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