So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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