so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
