it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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