thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
