The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
