So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
