Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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