i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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