I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
