i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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