Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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