i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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