look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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