I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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