why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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