How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize