he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
