went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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