I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
