dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize