just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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