You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
