I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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