guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
