I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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