My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
