i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
