Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
