Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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