he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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