They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
