It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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