One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
